I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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