They have a pepper shaker for pot.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
