Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
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Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
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we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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