I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
