found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
