Say something about gay babies.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
