Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
