her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
