When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
