I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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