She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
