I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
