Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just gargled with NyQuil
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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