somebody snuck up and got me drunk
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
