Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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