do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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