how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
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you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
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I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
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