My hand turned me down
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
