why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
