So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
