I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
