sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
