dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
