So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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