I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
