Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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