i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My ATM looks so different sober.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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