Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
