shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
