so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
