Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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