Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Jerry, you need to find god
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
