Even the bartender felt bad for me
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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