How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
