I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize