So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
