Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
