I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
