got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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