Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
