last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
