Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
