Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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