nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
