I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
