Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
