I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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