I feel great
I just peed on a car
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
