she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
