This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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