i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
