thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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