so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
