he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
