you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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