my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
