Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
