What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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