im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
