So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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