We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
