I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
