Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
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The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
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You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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