I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
