Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I AM VODKA MAN
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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