I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
