So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
