I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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