yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
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Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
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I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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