watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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