THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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