White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
