Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
