I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
