Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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