At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
All the doctor said was why
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
