You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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