We're facebook friends in real life
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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