Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
