so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
