I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
