At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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